The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
