New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
