In the future we'll all be gay
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
