Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You dont lie about slip and slides
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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