felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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