Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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