being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
