I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
