I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
