I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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