Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im part way to drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
