And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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