There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
