At least make sure they are 18
Why
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
