my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
handjob tips. give me some.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
