I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
