I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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