I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize