He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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