Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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