he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize