Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
