good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize