We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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