True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
