I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
