Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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