Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
