I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
