did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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