were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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