Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize