WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
