I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize