Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
