my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
