Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
