I want to make a zoo with you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I lost the right to judge tonight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
