k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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