ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
