He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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