when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
