this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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