So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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