O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
