Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
