The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
