your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
