life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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