A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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