if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
