I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
