Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
