I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
