You work out of a Hotel?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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