You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
