he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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