Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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