I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
