Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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