sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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