): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
