A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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