god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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