you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
