I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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