I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
