Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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