Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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