I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
