we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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