I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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