is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
