never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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