I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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